Having a random hookup so left but love u
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
