After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
