there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you guys were way drunker than both of me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
