apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
