Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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