I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
