Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
