even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
