FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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