Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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