Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The adults are the big ones right?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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