I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
