There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
