i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
