i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize