Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
