I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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