ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
