you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
