May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
