did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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