yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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