They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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