I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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