Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
