Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
