I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sober January is a disaster.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
