oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
