My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
