my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
