In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
