just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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