TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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