Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
