every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
