At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
