And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The uberlube is also flammable
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
