My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
