how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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