They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
