and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
