Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is my gift to your gina
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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