I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
