i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
