respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
