We named our party play list daddy issues
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
