It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
