im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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