Do vagina's smell?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize