God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
COCAINE IS GR8
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
