if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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