3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
