Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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