For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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