Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Drunk is not a location!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
