He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
