plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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