Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
