Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
