We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
