So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
