i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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