Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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