We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
