Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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