Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
