alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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