This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
