I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
