You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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