don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
