I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
