Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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