you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize