ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
