you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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