it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
