Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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