Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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