Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
