He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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