I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
