if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
