OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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