I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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