I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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