That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
