yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
